Scott Speaks

Because I love you, noble readers, I took half my lunch hour today to go back and fix the categories on my blog, as they hadn’t worked since I upgraded my Wordpress software. For you…the readers…I went through all 150 posts and added categories to each one. For you. The readers. I’m just sayin, some appreciation or a frickin comment would be nice, geez…

Anyway, the point is…I had to go back and be reminded of everything I’ve written, good, bad or unviewable tripe. And my best posts, the ones I like the best, and my most read posts…always have a frickin list on them. A list of things. Top 10? Bullets? Who knows…but there’s lists.

So today, I’m doing something for all the new readers…which I know there are some out there, as Wednesday this week was my highest traffic day EVER. Below is a list of my favorite lists. Yes seriously…it’s like when your boss calls a meeting to talk about meetings and how so many meetings waste time in your day. It’s a list of lists. So in descending order, here is what I call my Top 5 Scott Speaks Lists:

5. Everything I Know, I Learned From Working At Dairy Queen – A classic favorite, where I reminisced the days of smoking dope in the walk-in, impressing ladies by holding many cones in one hand, and I believe it brought us the first…and, thank god, not last…time I used the term “tongue boner.”

4. On Hand-washing One’s Dishes – Relatively short and uncreative post, mostly because it was incredibly close to when I first bought Super Smash Bros. Brawl and couldn’t tear myself away. But upon re-reading, I chuckled a few times…nay, gaffawed at least once. So there you go.

3. 2007 – A Memoriam – This post brought not one, not two, but THREE LISTS! WHAT THE FUCK IS MY DEAL WITH WRITING LISTS?!?

2. Everything I Know, I Learned From Playing Monopoly – Now here’s a funny one. This was the original “best day ever” post, as I submitted it to Digg and stuff before I knew how to work that shit. Now I know StumbleUpon is where it’s at, cause then people are practically forced to read your posts. Need blog traffic techniques? Call me: The Traffic Whore™!

1. On Washing One’s Clothes In A Public Laundromat – I’ve heard from multiple people that this was their favorite post I’ve written. Can you blame them? It has high drama, high comedy, and high altitude. It’s pretty much family friendly too, as opposed to most posts where I saw ‘fuck’ a lot and talk about balls and hemorrhoids and stuff.

That’s it…the Greatest Hits’ Album of lists. And we made it through one week of blogging every day. What do you think, worth it?

I leave Sunday night for a press check in Dallas Texas at one of the largest printers in the nation, so we’re going to test the iPhone’s Wordpress app in taking pictures and writing posts on the go…we’ll see how that goes. Until then…have a great weekend everyone. We’ll see you Monday for Day 6. Go Broncos.