Scott Speaks

I’m very anal about cleaning. I wash my sheets every other week. And vacuum every week. And I wash my clothes weekly, and then color-coordinate the shirts and rotate boxers for even wear. And I wash my dishes as I use them so they don’t pile up in the kitchen. And I continuously clean the urine off the rim of the toilet bowl.

And I’m full of shit.

Cleaning isn’t my strong suit. Back in the day, I was awesome at getting stains out of my work aprons, and I had a good system for washing my daily cereal bowl (rinse it out). But that’s it. That’s basically all the cleaning I did. I rely heavily on things to clean for me.

Like dishwashers.

Much to my chagrin, I rented an apartment without one. It doesn’t have a garbage disposal or washing machine either. So for the last 9 months or so, I’ve been hand-washing EVERYthing. Letting dishes sit for days, ignoring awkward smells, sticking my hands in questionable water to clean out my drain catch and purposely leaving moldy leftovers in the fridge so I don’t have to clean their containers. It’s made me productive-er and lazier at the same time. While I hate hand-washing dishes…I secretly like it. Here’s some things I enjoy, and some things I’ve learned:

1. Scotty-time. Time for me. Lots of time, just for me. Time for me to blare my headphones loudly and orchestrate a Grammy-award-winning performance for my sink. Time for me to organize my kitchen a little bit so I have room to make the next mess. Time for me to…well that’s about it, I’d rather play Smash Bros. or something with my Scotty-time, but the music part is kinda fun. I used to stand in front of my mirror and play air guitar with my headphones on when I was like 12. It takes me back.
2. Soak Everything. And I mean everything. I’m a big believer in soaking things in hot water, even if I’m not gonna wash them for a couple days. Just remember to dump out the cold, gross water before you fill up the sink again.
3. Spread ‘em. Bending your back at a weird angle for an hour will kill ya. Spread your legs until you are at a comfortable level and then wash. You’ll look absolutely ridiculous, but no one cares, cause you’re doing the dishes.
4. Multi-tasking. For some reason, washing the dishes inspires me to do other things, like throw in loads of laundry, take out the trash, maybe get dinner ready for the next night, and most likely playing Nintendo in between sinks of water.
5. I have no cable anymore. So you know, it’s something else to do.
6. I’m entirely too addicted to Smash Bros. So you know, it’s something else to do.
7. When I’m bored, I eat, and I can’t lose weight that way. So you know, it’s something else to do.
8. So you know, it’s something else to do. That’s what she said. Heh.
9. Chicks don’t dig messy apartments. Even if you’re dating the chick and she feels obligated to come over. It’s gross. So I kinda have to do my dishes once in a while.
10. It’s just good ol’ wind-down time. It helps me collect my thoughts, get over work, think about my freelance, and occasionally, inspires me to write a blog.

Here’s a picture of where it goes down, in my 7-square-foot kitchen. Note Kaci’s sweet rack on the wall.

And here’s my new hat.

I’m doing a really cool new freelance project for the 212 Salad & Sandwich Co. guy. It’s a little on the DL right now, but I’ll probably talk more about it, cause it’s the most fun project I’ve had to work on in a while.

Enjoy your week, interwebs. I had my new best day ever on the March 10th, so again, I appreciate you reading!