Scott Speaks

Top Six Awesomest Events of Two Thousand and Seven

6 – Spin. After spending way too long pretending to freelance, I finally got a full-time job again. Sure I had to move to Breckenridge and back, but it worked out in the end. I got a good job with people I like, I got to move back to Denver on their dime, and I got a free ski pass. And a week and a half off PAID at Christmas that didn’t count against my 2 weeks vacation time. Bitches.

5 – Regina. This was the first girlfriend I had this year. Just kidding, it’s my car. But I love her. She handles awesome on the snow, she has heated everything for cold days, and can keep a steady 70 the whole way up the mountain. Only crappy part: that fucking seat-belt dinger. I’m used to it and know to buckle up as soon as I get in my car, but Jami and Scott both can’t seem to do it fast enough. It’s annoyingly funny. Sidenote: Part of the reason she’s Regina is so when I’m angry, I can call her Gina…as in rhymes with vagina.

4 – HDTV. It physically hurts me to watch football in regular definition anymore. And now that I have an HD DVD player too, it’s gonna be hard to go back to anything else. Not that technology tends to work backward, but you know… Sidenote to porn industry: HD porn…wave of the future…get on it.

3 – The Colorado Rockies. Just when I was starting to lose hope in the game, you guys rose above the steroids and the over-payed players and the egos and “National League Sucks” mantra and won 23 games in a row to make it to the World Series. And only one Rockie was on the Mitchell Report. You guys “rock” me. You guys “rock.” You “rock” my world. You “rock” harder than Plymouth Rock, the Rockford Files, Jailhouse Rock and The Rock combined. “Rock” on.

2 – iPhone. How again did I live without it? Hmm…I can’t remember, let me see if I can look it up on my iPhone. Sidenote to Steve Jobs: I love you.

1 – Jami. I’ve talked about her/embarassed her enough already…you know the details. She’s the best thing that happened to me last year.

Top (?) Six Crappiest Events of Two Thousand and Seven

6 – The Denver Broncos’ Season. What happened? Huh, Mike? I thought you were the mastermind. I see glimmers of hope in Jay Cutler and Brandon Marshall, and Champ Bailey and John Lynch will always be the men, but without the baby-stealing, grandma-raping, man-eating right foot of Jason Elam, you guys won three games last year. Three. Fuckin figure it out for next season, ok? That is all.

JUST IN: 5 – The 2007 Fiesta Bowl. I’m tied for first in my bowl pool. But Oklahoma probably just fucked that up. We’re talkin like 200 bucks on the line here, people. Frickin Sooners… (the team, not the tribe).

4 – The Motorola RAZR Crash of 2007. It worked out okay, cause I got to buy the iPhone, but did it HAVE to crap out on my birthday weekend, making phone calls and text messages useless? I always hated that phone. Ever dropped one? It shatters. Ever dropped a Nokia 3390? Me TOO! In fact I’ve THROWN IT AGAINST THE WALL AND IT WAS FINE. Build them like that again.

3 – The Divorce. After 4 years of pretending to play house with Becky, I finally had to move out. And within months she was engaged to ANOTHER man. Slut. But I miss living with her (and not just for your kitchen utensils, respect of my “no talking when I wake up” rule, dating advice, bottles of Tums and Tylenol, and strategy guide reading while I played Zelda).

2 – Guitar Hero III. It’s crack. It’s fucking crack. I’m still trying to recover. I was pretty good about blogging up until you came into my life, and now Kaci hates me. You hear that Kaci? Blame Activision.

1 – The New England Patriots. I think I speak for most of America when I say: Fuck you.

Top Six 2008 New Year’s Resolutions, In Order of Chance of Me Actually Following Through

1 – Learn to Snowboard. The only one I’m pretty stoked about. If nothing else, I wanna learn to snowboard so I don’t have to walk around in ski boots anymore. It’s a long damn walk from the parking lot, ski-boot-manufacturers.

2 – Keep Up with the Blog. The last two months I really haven’t felt like writing a lot. I now know why so many people write in a blog for like 3 weeks and then get bored with it. It’s tough to keep up. It’s tough to come home and be creative after trying to be creative all day. So just bare with me, and if you have a problem with it, go write your own damn blog.

3 – Be Greener. I really want to go back to recycling, and while the city of Denver really tries to make it tough for me to do just that (I can’t get a pick-up, drop-off or ANYTHING from them), I finally found a bin nearby, run by a shrine club. I’m buying another trash can this week so I can separate recycling. I’ve also been much better about remembering my canvas bags when I shop, and energy-efficient bulbs are on sale at Target this week, so I think it’s time to start switching. Take that, carbon footprint.

4 – Finish Guitar Hero III on Expert. I CAN’T CONTROL YOUR POWER OVER ME! WHY? WHYYYYYYY?!?

5 – Beat Scott at Bubble Hockey in a Best-of-Seven Series. This is the year, Wick. Be afraid.

6 – Lose Weight. It’s always in the back of my mind, and I always fail miserably at it. But who knows…maybe this is the year.

I hope everyone had a safe and wonderful holiday, a happy and hungover-as-I-was New Year, and that you enjoyed working while I had almost 2 paid weeks off. As my boss might say: Make It A Great Day.