Scott Speaks

I held down my job at Dairy Queen for longer than any other job in my life. From 14-20 years old, I was at least a part-time employee of the Queen on Yellowstone Road in Cheyenne (which is WAY better than the one on Pershing Blvd…losers). During that time, I did a lot of growing up. In fact you know…I guess we all did. Here’s 13 life lessons that I took with me.

1. Spread your legs when dishwashing. Now that I don’t own a dishwasher or garbage disposal, I have a deeper appreciation for those skills I learned washing dishes at the Queen. Leaning over a sink slight will kill your lower back, especially if you haven’t done them in a week. The solution: spread your legs wider, so you’re down lower at the sink’s level. You look ridiculous, but your back will be so much happier.
2. You can deep fry anything. Oreos, Twinkies, bacon, hamburgers…anything. And it will be DEE-licious.
3. Assume everyone you first encounter is an idiot. If you go into it assuming the customer knows nothing, they won’t piss you off so much when you find out they really don’t know anything. It’s not that hard to keep your cool and smile politely.
4. Being stressed out doesn’t help anyone. Probably one of the big carry-overs into my professional working life. Everyone running around tearing out their hair, yelling at each other and worrying about deadlines doesn’t help anyone, you just get grumpy and tired. I’ve always kept composure, even in high-stress times, even when stressy people piss me off, and it’s much easier to relax later if you do. A sense of humor is a must, as that can keep everyone from having a super crappy day.
5. Chicks dig a guy who can hold 5 cones in one hand and fill them with ice cream. It shows I have strong, nimble fingers. Ladies.
6. Just doing your job will get you far. Showing up on time, picking up a shift once in a while, and doing the task I was asked to do got me incredibly far in life…I was an assistant manager there by the time I was 16. It’s really not that hard to get ahead, all you have to do is your job. It’s like college, it was amazing how just showing up to class seemed to make my grades better.
7. It’s possible to remove pretty much any stain from jeans or a polo shirt. Well, really, my mom learned that, but the knowledge was passed to me. I’m a professional at those annoying grease stains. You know, the ones you don’t see when you put your shirt on, but then get pointed out to you for the rest of the day, and they’re usually right on your nipple or something? Those ones. I can get them out.
8. Counting change is way too much for most people to comprehend. Your addition and subtraction after counting change on a register that doesn’t do it for you will be lighting fast. I single-handedly attribute that to my mad cribbage skillz.
9. It’s rare that I ever lose my balance. I’ve slipped on more chocolate sauce, mopped floors, ice milk spills and children’s urine than you can count. I am pretty good at catching falls before they happen, even if it means putting my hand in pee.
10. No matter how well-ventilated the walk-in cooler is, you can’t get the pot smell out. That’s an important one. Especially if your boss is due back soon.
11. Sometimes being nice commanded more respect. While there’s something to be said for being a hard-ass, once I was one of the “cool managers,” I wouldn’t harp on people all the time just for standing around for a minute and talking with friends, and in return, they usually did a better job of their closing duties. Even if I did need to threaten with the occasional rattail whip, things got done on my shift, dammit.
12. While you should be careful, it’s possible to grow immune to burns. I usually didn’t even know I got them until the next morning in the hot shower. I may be a little sissy for cuts, but damned if I can’t take a burn better than anyone I know.
13. You got time to lean, you got time to clean. Ah the age old adage, and it rang true. It didn’t take long to figure out that the cleaner the place was when you were bored, the quicker you got out of there. Just like the less time I spend writing blogs at work (hee hee), the quicker I get my work done to get out of here on time. Be careful cleaning though, remember that time Steve broke the freon pipe with the broom? Yeah me either, I was pretty high on freon.

Oh and one last thing, next time you go there and watch a 15 year old make your ice cream cone…appreciate it’s form, because it’s way harder than it looks to control soft serve.

And just to ruin it for you, the secret to cone dip is wax. Yuck.

*Sidenote: The Kit-Kat Blizzard is the Blizzard of the month. If you’ve never had a tongue boner, this is a good way to get one. Outstanding.